1. Being a sister.
I failed as a sister. I do not have the respect I want/should have from my siblings at all, especially one of my sister. She can just scream and shout and even swear at me however she want and I have no way, and I repeat, there is no way for me to get her respect at all. Sometimes I would just walk away and sometimes I would just scream back at her but you can say, most of the times I just failed miserably.
I often think to myself, why? How did this come about? I am the eldest sister but none of them has ever treated me as the eldest one, except for my youngest sister. You may say it's because I have never been like an elder sister before, responsibility and also role wise but that's also because we go to different schools and I am more independent myself; study wise.
Lately I have a friend who said I am who I am because I did not go overseas and get the exposure I should have and that my mindset is different from two of my siblings; my brother and my youngest sister who went overseas for studies. The sister who I don't get along with; our mindset is different from my siblings who went overseas before. I was speechless when I read what she typed because it sounded as though we are the same kind, I didn't know what to say.
I wanted to say we are different, and I wanted to argue that if I had the chance again to fight for my opportunity to study overseas, I think I'd still choose to stay and go with what I can locally because I am the eldest, and my family is not well off. I knew my parents couldn't support me to study overseas. My brother is only a year younger than me and I knew he wanted to study overseas as well and what more I still have two younger sisters, what if they wanted an opportunity to study/venture overseas too? Sigh
And when this friend said my sister and I are different from my other two siblings... I felt so... upset. My sister is pure rude and she only thinks for herself and do things out of her convenient. She is not considerate at all and always find excuses for her doings BUT I don't know.. maybe I am in no place to say her as well, I am probably as bad...but all I wanted from her was some respect, the kind of treatment she has for me is.. intolerable.
I guess that will only happen in my dream.