Saturday, September 27, 2014

First post of 2014

Hi my dear readers (prob only the two of you gals)!


My last post was in May 2011. What the hell.. so long ago. SO MUCH HAS CHANGED! Since then, I broke up, got together with another guy and now have broken up again..wtf. Now I feel time is like water or something. Just flow flow flow and it's gone, so quickly. I've also graduated started working and now it's been 2 yrs and 7 months that I'm working in Panasonic. Oh how time flies. Sometimes I feel the past is like a dream. Everyday I seem to wake up and whatever that's yesterday is like a dream and it's over and it's that past.

OK. Today feels like a great day. My friends from university invited me out for lunch for my belated birthday. I feel very very thankful for the people in my life. Coz just when I think my life is shitty, like the world is coming to an end, you guys make me feel otherwise. And I really appreciate the effort you put in to make my life not be the shitty state I thought it was in. My uni friends, you two special gals, my sis and my colleagues. Each group of you treated me to lovely meals and surprised me with cakes. LOVE YOU GUYS TO BITS!!!!

Today I went to get my car repaired in the workshop. Thankful that it is just around 5 minutes away from my home and the workshop owner was a nice guy. So, let me rewind back on how this whole thing started. Rachel and Douglas (when he was still here for job hunting in KL) went out late at night one day to McD and on the way home, a guy on his motorcycle came and crashed onto my car's side bumper in front. Nothing much happened to that man. He apologized and said he didn't have enough sleep for days and seeing that it was really late at night and Rachel was in a traumatic shock state, she let him off. Reason is, who knows that guy might rob her. There has been lots of cases that robbers purposely hit your car to make you get out of the car and then rob you after that. So, when she came back, I initially scolded her for letting him off. Coz it's gonna be damn expensive to get it repaired. Moreover, we have to bear it ourselves. And the bumper was actually falling off already, might drop to the road anytime if we drive it. So she and Douglas went and tied the bumper up temporarily with cable ties. Good idea I would say, coz it lasted for 2 to 3 weeks before today, when I finally brought it to the workshop.

So, last night after work, I brought the car to the workshop. The guy promised he would wait for me, but eventually he didn't. And I in turn, had to wait for him to come back, at a dodgy, dark alley, where his workshop was. OMG! I was so freaked out. Coz there was noone there, it's like an abandoned place. I was actually very angry at the guy, coz he promised he would wait and then I rushed like crazy to reach there in time. He even told me over the phone in a slow, no energy/lazy/uninterested tone, that I could go to other workshops if I wanted to. He just had that "lan si I don't really care" tone. He finally arrived and said it should be around RM 600-700. When I went to the authorized Proton dealer, they said it would be RM 1200. What a huge difference. For this, I have to thank my cousin for introducing this workshop to me to get the job done at half price. And thank god, the workshop guy turned out to be a nicer person in real life.

So the next day, today, is a great day. I left my car at his workshop and due to how close he was to my house, he drove me home. I initially had to think of who the hell could bring me to the workshop and back. Then he dropped me home and I got ready for the outing with uni friends. I had to take a taxi. MyTeksi app wasn't able to find me a driver for a few times, until it finally did. And I was already kind of late. But eventually I made it without being the last one to arrive.

The cab ride was so interesting. The cab driver had his wife accompanying him that day. So they both told me about their life stories, they talked about mine too. It was nice talking to strangers like that. He said I looked like I'm working in the beauty line, to which I replied that my mum is. When I told him I was working in Panasonic, he said he wanted to get a kitchen exhaust fan. haha. He was marveling and wondering about how people are able to connect the MRT blocks together to form the whole rail line, to which his wife answered that God gave the architects the brain to solve that. When we complained how it was extraordinarily jamming like crazy today, totally different from other Saturdays, his wife funnily replied it was coz she came out with him today, so everyone wants to come out and see her. LOL! Funny woman. They talked about their kids and how hard it is to get jobs after they graduated. It's amazing that their kids are doing white collar jobs, one is doing physiotherapy and the other is a medical lab person. We talked about Brunei and about my car. He said I should survey around and find cheaper price by sourcing for the bumper part myself. To this, his wife commented that us girls don't really do that. As long as we can get it done, we'll not go around looking for cheaper prices. Then he said these workshop men always cheat women's money and charge higher prices. hahaha.

After my meal with my friends, I was thinking to ask my cousin to pick me up, asked him and he agreed. But thankfully, one of my friends was on the way to Mid Valley, which is quite on the way to my house and offered to give me a ride home. However! Upon reaching home, I realised I don't have enough cash to pay the workshop man when he sends my car back home. So, I asked my cousin again, and he said ok, he'll bring me to the ATM to withdraw money after he's done. BUT the workshop man called and said my car was ready. I told him I had to wait for my cousin to bring me to the ATM before I get my car from him. And then, he said he could just send me to the ATM himself. So I told my cousin, nvm again. After withdrawing money and getting my car, I felt so complete. Everything's nice and done. Feels like a great end to the day. Being able to chat with new people and learn about their lives and being thankful for all the help today.

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

The value of a friend.

I never would have thought I'd be going through all this.

I've heard about it, seen it happened in other people's life and even laughed it off because I thought I'd never be going through all those because I was so sure I'd have absolute no issues in those as I believed in my friends, in treating me the way I'd treat them; sincerely.

But here I am now brooding over these issues, again. I guess I just need to brag about it, at least that's how I'm going to get this out of my chest. Yes, I'm easily wounded and my emotions will not be contained. I'm by nature one who 'wears my heart on my sleeves.'

It seemed like yesterday we were still hanging out and we can talk about almost everything but in fact, I felt we have already grown apart since the earlier January incident. Everything just seemed to be building up the tension in between us, and you just blew it the moment you said 'Once eat shit always will do'.

Seriously, whichever friend would say that to describe a friend's bad habit and moreover I insisted I haven't had that bad habit for a long while. Sigh. Whatever happened? and I wondered too, whatever did I do to get all those treatments. I treasure/cherish this friendship very much.

I still have many to say but right now I am just too lost at words already. I need to get rid of all these negative vibes from me so I could feel better. Almost everyday when I think about this I would feel so emotionally drained.

Maybe a getaway could just be the remedy to all these.


Monday, July 22, 2013

Hi May.

I needed to blog again because I have nowhere else to pour out the heart.

Things have been going on quite well for me; work, friends, this and that until an hour or two ago. Why are some people so judgemental, I just cannot  understand. I know, a tease is a tease but when you keep repeating the same thing over and over again, I have to call it a personal attack.

Also, why so judgemental all the time? Aren't couples kissing a normal thing in a club? especially after a few drinks? Do some people really need to take pictures of it and make it a big deal thing? I do not understand, really. Furthermore, I'd really like to know what are their definition of a good friend really, because it definetely did not feel good being their friend most of the time. It felt like being called as their friend has to put up with all their so called 'games' but to me they are just overrated pranks.

I just watched a Carlsberg ad with the title 'don't judge a book by its cover'. I felt like they are like one of those people that will just leave when they see the cinema is full of tattoo people because when they stepped in and saw them, they are already judging them. Just like how they judged me, I was only having fun and enjoying my time at the club but they are already labeling and judging me, either from the past or constantly at it.

Sometimes when we are silent about it, it does not mean we are okay about it. We are actually giving them time to realize it themselves but I guess people like them will never realized it.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

give and take

So things have been good and bad lately. I'm slowly letting everything go, slowly adapting the life without them, tried to avoid from their kind of politics and stay away... but I hate myself that I'd still mind whatever that is happening now. I don't know what are they thinking ( and I didnt dare to confront or ask anymore ) but not replying my replies just suck big time, left me hanging there wondering what's going on again.

I guess that's how life is, I can't have the best from everything; family, friends, career, etc. It's the balance in life uh.

A quote I just read and I can so relate it to my situation somehow so here I'm going to share it..

'You have two hands.
Take with one and with the other you give.
That's the way life works out and that's the way to live.

What you get and what you give must balance up someday.
It's give a little, take a little all along the way.'

Peace out!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Friends.

Here I am, going to be 25 in a few months time and as embarrassing as it is, I have decided to blog it out. It will be a reminder or a lesson to myself that this is not going to happen again.

I have always thought I'm a very outgoing, nice and sociable person? and at least I thought my interpersonal skill is just good enough But I was wrong. I was very wrong indeed. What triggered me to write this post anyway?

I just had a talk yesterday, or it was more like a confrontation. From the confrontation, I come to know myself a lot, a lot better and I hate that person my friends saw in me. I never knew I was that kind of person until during/after that talk, and right now I am just too embarrassed to hang out with them already, at least for another..few more weeks? Even though they said they are okay with me already but deep down we all know that things will be so different already after the talk.

I never knew keeping my unhappy feelings to myself when they teased me would be regarded as dishonest about how I felt. I never knew answering 'I'm not mad' after they prank/teased me would be regarded someone fake, because I felt when I said 'I'm not mad' afterwards, I really meant it so there is really no need to say I was mad. I also never knew trying to explain and defend myself when someone said something about me that is not true would end me up being someone who is very sensitive and never admit her mistakes. I was also someone who always push away responsibilities.

Even my bad memory made me someone who is not responsible for what I always have to say. There are just so many other things mentioned that nearly shocked me, because I really have no idea and I was not even aware that I could be someone like that. Someone they said who was capable of doing all of those mentioned and they even said I could be scheming something bad. Everything that they mentioned has never once crossed my mind. I never intended to hurt anybody, what more the friends I called my best friends. I am really clueless in what I have done to them to make them feel that way and right now I really don't know what I can do to amend this.. I really want to know.

As much as I felt bad and guilty, even embarrassed, I am also feeling very unhappy. If I didn't bring up the issue and initiated a meet up to talk about this, they'd just leave it as it is and all I could do was being a fool thinking everything was going to be alright, which I didn't feel that way at all. Before I brought up the issue, I felt like crap everyday. I knew something was wrong but I kept it in. Almost everyday there would be something said or posted in one of the social medias by one of them to hint me that something is really wrong and it is about me. Why are they even doing this to me? It's like as though they wanted to confront me, which they did.

From this incident I realized true friendship is not easy to build and it is definitely easy to....break. We don't actually need a lot of friends whom we can confide in, trust and share some of the most personal details and needs of our lives, really. I'd be lucky if I already have a handful of them. I am always a very grateful person. Deep in my heart, I really am. So as much as I feel bad about the whole thing, I am actually quite grateful that the confrontation happened. It made me see a lot of things better in another perspective. At least for now I know the reasons, the reasons to their behavior to me. 

As painful as it sounds, I have got to understand now that not all friendships will last forever. Some friendships only exist because they are convenient.
I had to learn it the hard way :/

Monday, September 03, 2012

before it's too late.

This is a Repost from a blog I read. I felt the need to share this, because it's happening to people around me now, and I really wished they could wake up and realised how much they are going to lose.....

 ''Too often we don't realize what we have until it's gone.
Too often we're too stubborn to say, "Sorry, I was wrong."
Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our  hearts,
and we let the most foolish things tear us apart.''

 

Monday, April 02, 2012

APRIL! XD

It's APRIL already! Time flies! The last post was about my 4th day doing TP and today, I have lost count already But I've been counting down days and I am left 26 days to finish this TP. I really can't wait. I dread coming to work, preparing lesson plans and what is worst is, I don't like to be observed in my class. This coming wednesday I'll be observed by my Supervisor from UBD and this is really important because that observation will determine what grade he will give me for my 4months TP here. I just wished everything will go fine.

So what's up for the past few months uh. January has been all about Chinese New Year and visiting around to get angpaos, and after CNY it was a little bit hard to settle down, well, what I meant was to tone down the busyness because during the CNY, for 15 days, everyday after work I was busy preparing to visit around. Heh` kinda miss CNY now. It was so happening.

So after the CNY, I've been busy as well in school as every school is busy preparing for the National Day Celebration and I must say YAY because both the classes that I teach were involved and so there was no lessons for 3 weeks, and during the last week, teachers were assigned to go to the Padang Soas to look after the students during their practice so it was quite fun until I fell so lost and unwell too right after the National Day. I was so messed up and also one of my Ct (Cooperating Teacher) started to be demanding in my work and I had to amend and amend my work all over again for a few times. I got so stressed and emotional for a few weeks there. Haha, and I fell sick right after.

ok, to be continued.... got class in a while.