2020 First Post

So 2020 started badly overall for everyone, with world disasters keep coming.

However I didn't think it was bad as I was still looking to start my 2020 with a BAM!

I found out I was pregnant on the 1st day of October 2019, and there I was, anticipating a new phase in my life.... and then in March 2020 the worse took a turn; the world was under a PANDEMIC Situation! There were so many uncertainties and the situation around the world was quite unsettled, with travel restrictions and different measures taken by every country.

It was a bit overwhelming for me because I had a plan! A plan to go back Brunei to deliver my baby and with the fluid situation,  I was at risk of not being able to go back to Brunei for my delivery and I was definitely not prepared to deliver in Singapore either, one being too expensive, i.e. 4-6K SGD in govt hospital and 10K minimum at a private hospital and emotional support from family, i.e. confinement tradition from my mum.

The whole pandemic saga was sort of taking a toll on me and I had to make a quick decision to come back to Brunei earlier or stay in Singapore until my planned maternity leave in early April. Everyday I would wait for the news update from Brunei and Singapore government, hoping things would still go as my plan. I had no absolute clue if the tickets I bought for us to go back to Brunei early April would have any changes.. nor was I confident if Liang had gone back on the 16th March, he could still be able to come to Singapore on the 25th March or not.... there were just too many uncertainties.

Chop chop, 18th March 2020 I bought one of the most expensive 2 hours flight ticket ever in my life, and flew back to Brunei. We went through self isolation at home for 14 days, mandatory from the Govt of Brunei. Had we arrived on the 20th, we would have to go through the mandatory isolation at govt facilities.... phew~

So now, it has been more than a month I have been in Brunei, partly working though I am on unpaid leave and maternity leave..

I am still feeling very unsettled because of the fluid situation of this pandemic around the world.
Singapore is going through circuit breaker period until 1st of June, and Brunei still do not allow their residents to travel, however the situation in Brunei is much better than Singapore as we can still go out for groceries and errands... while circuit breaker in Singapore is stricter in-terms of going out of the house, i.e. only 1 person from each household can do grocery, etc, basically just stay home!

My due is 24th May and it's only 3 weeks away. I am feeling so much, and they are overwhelming.
I can only pray for my delivery to be smooth, and please let me have more orders coming in...

Sincerely,
Shenny.

Karma?

So what I understand from this word, Karma, is that whatever you do; good or bad, it will come back to you...

It's something like Newton's third law where every action has a reaction, so it beats me. 

I just want to express this out aloud here and get this crappy feelings inside me out of the system to this woman that has been taunting me for the past 10-11 months (gosh, didn't realise it has been almost a year now I have moved to this new life in Singapore) that if you, woman, continue what you are doing now to get to me when I have done absolutely nothing to deserve those rumors you are spreading about me and all those little acts you were/are doing now to try to get the attentions you longed... you are just going nowhere.

Yes, all that you have done may have affected me for a little while each time you tried with your little gags and actions, mind you I get stronger every time and part of me actually feels a bit victorious too because I would think why are you so obsessed with me and why my well-being affects you so much.

My family and true friends have been very supportive to try and get me out of this toxic situation you are trying to get me into and I am so glad to have them. I also feel so sorry for you that you have none of these support from your side hence why you are trying so hard to ruin the new life I am building here because you are suffering there everyday knowing I am living well here.

So for all that has happened, I can only say when you hope I fail, you are creating bad karma for yourself, and I see that is already slowly happening to you, sadly. Things are already looking bad for you and I can only imagine how worse it's going to get. Demoted,paycut and all. Haha

I believe in Karma.

2019 already. Next post in 2020?

Time goes by so fast really! As I am sitting down facing the monitor typing away, thinking about the things that have changed over the years, I am just astounded with how different things are for me now, at this very moment.

2 years ago, I got married to the love of my life and I was still living in Brunei and never had the thought of moving anywhere else. I thought I was going to stay in Brunei forever... until everything that happened after the wedding. I felt like I was going through some sort of crisis.

Grandpa passed away (I still cannot believe this at times.. as he could have still been living if some decisions were not made rashly) and I had to make a huge decision whether to relocate for a job opportunity that would make the husband and myself to be in a long-distance relationship.

Today, I relocated and it has been more than half a year now and everything is going fine but not great, yet. Next week, the husband and I will be visiting the States after my work travel at Atlanta. I was a little bit excited but not anymore, I dont know why.

This morning had a debate with a friend from one of my group of friends and I got so fired up but I did not tell her how I felt and just went cold in the groupchat. That is because I feel there is never a way to out-talk her because of how she is and her personality. She always has be to right otherwise she will just twist her way to be right, anyways and I don't blame her. She was never really challenged her whole life as everyone I know that knows her, listens to her anyways.

I am thinking to start blogging again, at least while I am in Singapore here. Blog to jot down the lil things and memories I am making while I am here in this strange yet familiar place I call home now. 
Hmm..

Everything still feels so surreal...

I cannot believe this but wow~ I really had an eventful 2018 so far.

My grandma recovered and then my grandpa got admitted to the hospital, and he struggled in the ICU for around 3 months and passed away.

He had to pass away when I was on my way back from Chicago from work duty travel. That feeling was unbearable because there was nothing I could do but to go with the course, hoping the time could tick faster so I could be back home with my family and by his side. I made it back for my grandpa's wake and funeral day. I had a lot that I wanted to tell my grandpa; that we know he did his best to fight the virus in him, we know he was not ready to go and we also know he basically had enough of all those antibiotics and sedation that was put into him everyday to make him stable but torturous to him as well. Also I was tired and had enough of some of the family politics that was happening during my grandpa's admittance in the hospital. Sigh.

Right after the funeral, my family had to prepare for my brother's wedding because there is this chinese tradition that if your family member pass away, you are not supposed to have a joyous celebration, i.e. wedding for 3 years unless you do it within the 100 days from the passing.

My brother was already planning to propose on the 20th May 2018 and do the wedding reception probably in 2019 and then my grandpa suddenly left us.. so the proposal and wedding needed to be pushed forward because if he were to wait for another 3 years, that means he can only get married by 2021 which is a little bit too late for his wife-now, because they were also expecting a baby on the way.

Gosh, now that I am writing this I seriously had no idea how I been through the first half of this year because all I know was I had so many things to cope with; my work, duty travels, almost everyday errands to the hospital to see my grandparents, and later, funeral and wedding receptions.

and then I have some people thinking that my life is pretty easy and everything I am "complaining" now is just time management but seriously, I am mentally tired besides the physical exhaustion that caused me to gain weight like crazy because I literally feel I don't have enough time to rest and do any other things like, working out or prepare diet meals.  Sometimes when I have the time, I just want to stay at home and slack and watch my favourite dramas on youtube, etc. Oh Life~

It is absolutely not easy.. hence to hear it from a friend that said my lifestyle habits are bad and that I don't bother to care that the lifestyle I led is causing me to gain weight like crazy actually upsets me. You are not in my shoe, and so you don't know.

But in anyway, everyone has their own perspective so I am not going to bother much about what they think, as long as I know myself, what I am doing and the consequences.

Looking back the past 6 months, it sure has been quite an eventful year 2018 and I can only hope for the best in this next 6 months to come. Cheers.

What is happening..

Just when I thought year 2017 is a good year overall, things had to happen.

Wedding is over, finally and I feel absolutely good about it; everything went well, at least that's what I thought and I do not want to care what others think of it.

There were people saying the wedding is boring, this and that, well I guess it was just not up to their entertainment standard but I was happy. I loved the deco where people take pictures, I loved the wedding dress and evening gown I rented last minute and most of all, I have all the friends I cared for with me to share the moment with me.

That was enough, that was enough for me to feel good about my wedding and on another point, I married the love of my life.

... and just when I thought everything will be good, my dad's family decided to make a swift decision to do operation for my grandma on her blocked arteries; bypass surgery.

Although the surgery went well and everything was fine but the person going through the operation was not really briefed properly of the operation procedure and so when grandma woke up and felt all weak and etc, she felt shocked and sort of just give up after two days of pleading us to bring her home. Now when we go visit her, she is always sleeping and coughing and sometimes it sounds like crying with no energy.

So depressed... and I feel so helpless, and my dad and his siblings are just not helping much with the situation... sighs. Speechless and don't know what else to say.

Just wanting to rant this out....

Tomorrow is my wedding..

and today I am still feeling like shit.

I can't even lift a smile.. what is this feeling?

Just few days ago I was feeling all nervous, butterflies, and maybe a little excited, until I decided to share a little bit info to someone whom I told myself not to trust, but I thought that little info wouldn't get me into any trouble.. what is worse that could happen? BAM. Gossips.

So that little info led to my husband being teased and shit among his guy friends and he was not too happy about it, and at that point of time, I turned to someone whom I was already constantly talking to and BAM.. I wasn't even looking to comfort or anything, I just needed a place to rant.. I was overwhelmed with things. but yea, I got slammed, saying this is what I deserved to get when I indulged in all those negativities, rumours and gossip shit and brought up something in the past that we couldn't solved but made a pact not to talk about before.

She felt insulted because I chose to believe the worse of this somebody from gossips and others, and not believe in her judgement of this somebody that he's not a bad person. .

.
.
.
.

And I know for a fact that some of the ppl I hang out with are toxic, I really know.. but I can't just cut them off like that, I can't, at least not yet; this is not how I deal with people.

But I do not need all those statements now.. I knew all the facts she threw, I just can't have it now because it's like a huge stone sitting on me now.. I haven't felt so sad waking up for a long time, and I just couldn't feel any better.

Now I just feel like shit, I feel like I deserved it, I don't even know if I am supposed to whine about it now because I am a grown up adult and I should know how to deal with shits, but I am only just human. I cannot deal with this now.

Gah, God, please help me. Let loose me so that I could at least enjoy this very last moment before I become a Mrs in this chinese traditional way.

Also, can there be no rain tomorrow? I pray with all my heart and soul.

:(

So, has it been 10 Years yet.. or not?

YES, this blog is 12 years old already!

Ladies, we should celebrate! I was just wondering what other social media platform my email address is associated with and then I remembered this blog.

and boy, my last post was sad. Sound like I had a lot of things going on there; I call them emosi! hahaha

Well, I just thought I'd drop a short post here updating the year we are at now. 2016!

Happy 2016 Our Equation!

Issue#1

There has been a lot of things going on lately and I just can't help feeling down about it. Now I'd like to blog about issue#1

1. Being a sister.

I failed as a sister. I do not have the respect I want/should have from my siblings at all, especially one of my sister. She can just scream and shout and even swear at me however she want and I have no way, and I repeat, there is no way for me to get her respect at all. Sometimes I would just walk away and sometimes I would just scream back at her but you can say, most of the times I just failed miserably.

I often think to myself, why? How did this come about? I am the eldest sister but none of them has ever treated me as the eldest one, except for my youngest sister. You may say it's because I have never been like an elder sister before, responsibility and also role wise but that's also because we go to different schools and I am more independent myself; study wise. 

Lately I have a friend who said I am who I am because I did not go overseas and get the exposure I should have and that my mindset is different from two of my siblings; my brother and my youngest sister who went overseas for studies. The sister who I don't get along with; our mindset is different from my siblings who went overseas before. I was speechless when I read what she typed because it sounded as though we are the same kind, I didn't know what to say.  

I wanted to say we are different, and I wanted to argue that if I had the chance again to fight for my opportunity to study overseas, I think I'd still choose to stay and go with what I can locally because I am the eldest, and my family is not well off. I knew my parents couldn't support me to study overseas. My brother is only a year younger than me and I knew he wanted to study overseas as well and what more I still have two younger sisters, what if they wanted an opportunity to study/venture overseas too? Sigh

And when this friend said my sister and I are different from my other two siblings...  I felt so... upset. My sister is pure rude and she only thinks for herself and do things out of her convenient. She is not considerate at all and always find excuses for her doings BUT I don't know.. maybe I am in no place to say her as well, I am probably as bad...but all I wanted from her was some respect, the kind of treatment she has for me is.. intolerable. 

I guess that will only happen in my dream.  

This too, will pass..

As I sit down infront of this screen here, I think of my life.

I think of the things I feel I have worked hard for yet still haven't attained.

I began to wonder...

With every blink of my eyes I begin to feel so many emotions.

My heart starts to speed up.

My emotions start to run wild.

I can't seem to express this.

What can I do with these emotions?

What is my passion?

How do I show that I have potential for something?

I feel like a bird perched on a frail branch that is bending beneath me..

But I know bad moments don't last forever, neither do the good ones.

Nothing lasts forever.

Everything changes.

A New Beginning for Me.

This is the first post of the year 2014 for me. I just have to do this.

I have to grow up. I need to stop talking and brooding about people's issue. I have to accept the fact that people come and go and not everyone in your life is going to stick around forever. I just have to learn how to let go. As the chinese sayings go by, '拿得起放得下' I've just talked to a friend and what she said is somewhat true, that Bruneians tends to be stuck all the time, stuck with the same old problem and whine like a broken record, over and over again and after some time the same problem is still there. We just don't fix it. I felt embarassed to be one of those 'bruneians' she mentioned even though technically, I'm a Malaysian, but I grew up in Brunei. haha!

I have to stop giving myself pressure about this kind of things. Why do I have to be so afraid of hurting people when those people I care about do not think the same about me. Why do I have to care so much about how people think of me when they don't even think of how I would think of them. My opinion should be as important as how I think of their opinion as well. All in all I should just stop caring so much for things that don't affect too much on me for once and for all. I can't expect people to change. I either have to accept who they are, or I start living my life without them and just because when something ends, it doesnt mean it never should have been. Maybe things are meant to happen that way, for a reason. There's another sayings that go 'You lived, you learned, you grew, and you moved on. Some people comes into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons hence SHENNY! Stop letting people who do so little to control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions. Nobody really cares.

I really hope this post will be my closure right now for all the friends and people issues I had for the past few years. This blog will serve as a reminder to myself to be who I really want to be. I'm tired to be someone to look out for how people think of me. All I really want to do now is to be the best version of myself, on my own terms. I want to set my priorities straight and take full responsibility of my own goals, know my self worth and choose the right perspective. I cannot keep brooding over the same old issue anymore. Just let it be a lesson learnt. Most of all, choose the things that truly matters only.

Saw this paragraph and thought that this would be a good reminder note to myself......

Dear Self,
When someone treats you like you're just one of many options, help them narrow their choice by removing yourself from the equation. Sometimes you have to try nt to care, no matter how much you really do, because sometimes you can mean almost nothing to the person who means so much to you. It's not pride but self respect. Don't expect to see positive changes in your life if you surround yourself with negative people. Don't give part time people a full-time position in your life. Know your value and what you have to offer, and never settle for anything less than you deserve. 

Meaningless friendships, forced interactions and unnecessary conversations can be avoided all. Just learn to let go of things I can't control. Nobody is born perfect, and perspective is really everything. There are two choices to how I can view this as; a lesson learnt or get all emotional and breakdown that all these people and friends' issues had to happen to me. The past me would have chosen the latter.

Today I will take it as a life's way of asking me to grow up a little bit more, to raise my consciousness in life.

Cheers.

First post of 2014

Hi my dear readers (prob only the two of you gals)!


My last post was in May 2011. What the hell.. so long ago. SO MUCH HAS CHANGED! Since then, I broke up, got together with another guy and now have broken up again..wtf. Now I feel time is like water or something. Just flow flow flow and it's gone, so quickly. I've also graduated started working and now it's been 2 yrs and 7 months that I'm working in Panasonic. Oh how time flies. Sometimes I feel the past is like a dream. Everyday I seem to wake up and whatever that's yesterday is like a dream and it's over and it's that past.

OK. Today feels like a great day. My friends from university invited me out for lunch for my belated birthday. I feel very very thankful for the people in my life. Coz just when I think my life is shitty, like the world is coming to an end, you guys make me feel otherwise. And I really appreciate the effort you put in to make my life not be the shitty state I thought it was in. My uni friends, you two special gals, my sis and my colleagues. Each group of you treated me to lovely meals and surprised me with cakes. LOVE YOU GUYS TO BITS!!!!

Today I went to get my car repaired in the workshop. Thankful that it is just around 5 minutes away from my home and the workshop owner was a nice guy. So, let me rewind back on how this whole thing started. Rachel and Douglas (when he was still here for job hunting in KL) went out late at night one day to McD and on the way home, a guy on his motorcycle came and crashed onto my car's side bumper in front. Nothing much happened to that man. He apologized and said he didn't have enough sleep for days and seeing that it was really late at night and Rachel was in a traumatic shock state, she let him off. Reason is, who knows that guy might rob her. There has been lots of cases that robbers purposely hit your car to make you get out of the car and then rob you after that. So, when she came back, I initially scolded her for letting him off. Coz it's gonna be damn expensive to get it repaired. Moreover, we have to bear it ourselves. And the bumper was actually falling off already, might drop to the road anytime if we drive it. So she and Douglas went and tied the bumper up temporarily with cable ties. Good idea I would say, coz it lasted for 2 to 3 weeks before today, when I finally brought it to the workshop.

So, last night after work, I brought the car to the workshop. The guy promised he would wait for me, but eventually he didn't. And I in turn, had to wait for him to come back, at a dodgy, dark alley, where his workshop was. OMG! I was so freaked out. Coz there was noone there, it's like an abandoned place. I was actually very angry at the guy, coz he promised he would wait and then I rushed like crazy to reach there in time. He even told me over the phone in a slow, no energy/lazy/uninterested tone, that I could go to other workshops if I wanted to. He just had that "lan si I don't really care" tone. He finally arrived and said it should be around RM 600-700. When I went to the authorized Proton dealer, they said it would be RM 1200. What a huge difference. For this, I have to thank my cousin for introducing this workshop to me to get the job done at half price. And thank god, the workshop guy turned out to be a nicer person in real life.

So the next day, today, is a great day. I left my car at his workshop and due to how close he was to my house, he drove me home. I initially had to think of who the hell could bring me to the workshop and back. Then he dropped me home and I got ready for the outing with uni friends. I had to take a taxi. MyTeksi app wasn't able to find me a driver for a few times, until it finally did. And I was already kind of late. But eventually I made it without being the last one to arrive.

The cab ride was so interesting. The cab driver had his wife accompanying him that day. So they both told me about their life stories, they talked about mine too. It was nice talking to strangers like that. He said I looked like I'm working in the beauty line, to which I replied that my mum is. When I told him I was working in Panasonic, he said he wanted to get a kitchen exhaust fan. haha. He was marveling and wondering about how people are able to connect the MRT blocks together to form the whole rail line, to which his wife answered that God gave the architects the brain to solve that. When we complained how it was extraordinarily jamming like crazy today, totally different from other Saturdays, his wife funnily replied it was coz she came out with him today, so everyone wants to come out and see her. LOL! Funny woman. They talked about their kids and how hard it is to get jobs after they graduated. It's amazing that their kids are doing white collar jobs, one is doing physiotherapy and the other is a medical lab person. We talked about Brunei and about my car. He said I should survey around and find cheaper price by sourcing for the bumper part myself. To this, his wife commented that us girls don't really do that. As long as we can get it done, we'll not go around looking for cheaper prices. Then he said these workshop men always cheat women's money and charge higher prices. hahaha.

After my meal with my friends, I was thinking to ask my cousin to pick me up, asked him and he agreed. But thankfully, one of my friends was on the way to Mid Valley, which is quite on the way to my house and offered to give me a ride home. However! Upon reaching home, I realised I don't have enough cash to pay the workshop man when he sends my car back home. So, I asked my cousin again, and he said ok, he'll bring me to the ATM to withdraw money after he's done. BUT the workshop man called and said my car was ready. I told him I had to wait for my cousin to bring me to the ATM before I get my car from him. And then, he said he could just send me to the ATM himself. So I told my cousin, nvm again. After withdrawing money and getting my car, I felt so complete. Everything's nice and done. Feels like a great end to the day. Being able to chat with new people and learn about their lives and being thankful for all the help today.

The value of a friend.

I never would have thought I'd be going through all this.

I've heard about it, seen it happened in other people's life and even laughed it off because I thought I'd never be going through all those because I was so sure I'd have absolute no issues in those as I believed in my friends, in treating me the way I'd treat them; sincerely.

But here I am now brooding over these issues, again. I guess I just need to brag about it, at least that's how I'm going to get this out of my chest. Yes, I'm easily wounded and my emotions will not be contained. I'm by nature one who 'wears my heart on my sleeves.'

It seemed like yesterday we were still hanging out and we can talk about almost everything but in fact, I felt we have already grown apart since the earlier January incident. Everything just seemed to be building up the tension in between us, and you just blew it the moment you said 'Once eat shit always will do'.

Seriously, whichever friend would say that to describe a friend's bad habit and moreover I insisted I haven't had that bad habit for a long while. Sigh. Whatever happened? and I wondered too, whatever did I do to get all those treatments. I treasure/cherish this friendship very much.

I still have many to say but right now I am just too lost at words already. I need to get rid of all these negative vibes from me so I could feel better. Almost everyday when I think about this I would feel so emotionally drained.

Maybe a getaway could just be the remedy to all these.

Hi May.

I needed to blog again because I have nowhere else to pour out the heart.

Things have been going on quite well for me; work, friends, this and that until an hour or two ago. Why are some people so judgemental, I just cannot  understand. I know, a tease is a tease but when you keep repeating the same thing over and over again, I have to call it a personal attack.

Also, why so judgemental all the time? Aren't couples kissing a normal thing in a club? especially after a few drinks? Do some people really need to take pictures of it and make it a big deal thing? I do not understand, really. Furthermore, I'd really like to know what are their definition of a good friend really, because it definetely did not feel good being their friend most of the time. It felt like being called as their friend has to put up with all their so called 'games' but to me they are just overrated pranks.

I just watched a Carlsberg ad with the title 'don't judge a book by its cover'. I felt like they are like one of those people that will just leave when they see the cinema is full of tattoo people because when they stepped in and saw them, they are already judging them. Just like how they judged me, I was only having fun and enjoying my time at the club but they are already labeling and judging me, either from the past or constantly at it.

Sometimes when we are silent about it, it does not mean we are okay about it. We are actually giving them time to realize it themselves but I guess people like them will never realized it.

give and take

So things have been good and bad lately. I'm slowly letting everything go, slowly adapting the life without them, tried to avoid from their kind of politics and stay away... but I hate myself that I'd still mind whatever that is happening now. I don't know what are they thinking ( and I didnt dare to confront or ask anymore ) but not replying my replies just suck big time, left me hanging there wondering what's going on again.

I guess that's how life is, I can't have the best from everything; family, friends, career, etc. It's the balance in life uh.

A quote I just read and I can so relate it to my situation somehow so here I'm going to share it..

'You have two hands.
Take with one and with the other you give.
That's the way life works out and that's the way to live.

What you get and what you give must balance up someday.
It's give a little, take a little all along the way.'

Peace out!

Friends.

Here I am, going to be 25 in a few months time and as embarrassing as it is, I have decided to blog it out. It will be a reminder or a lesson to myself that this is not going to happen again.

I have always thought I'm a very outgoing, nice and sociable person? and at least I thought my interpersonal skill is just good enough But I was wrong. I was very wrong indeed. What triggered me to write this post anyway?

I just had a talk yesterday, or it was more like a confrontation. From the confrontation, I come to know myself a lot, a lot better and I hate that person my friends saw in me. I never knew I was that kind of person until during/after that talk, and right now I am just too embarrassed to hang out with them already, at least for another..few more weeks? Even though they said they are okay with me already but deep down we all know that things will be so different already after the talk.

I never knew keeping my unhappy feelings to myself when they teased me would be regarded as dishonest about how I felt. I never knew answering 'I'm not mad' after they prank/teased me would be regarded someone fake, because I felt when I said 'I'm not mad' afterwards, I really meant it so there is really no need to say I was mad. I also never knew trying to explain and defend myself when someone said something about me that is not true would end me up being someone who is very sensitive and never admit her mistakes. I was also someone who always push away responsibilities.

Even my bad memory made me someone who is not responsible for what I always have to say. There are just so many other things mentioned that nearly shocked me, because I really have no idea and I was not even aware that I could be someone like that. Someone they said who was capable of doing all of those mentioned and they even said I could be scheming something bad. Everything that they mentioned has never once crossed my mind. I never intended to hurt anybody, what more the friends I called my best friends. I am really clueless in what I have done to them to make them feel that way and right now I really don't know what I can do to amend this.. I really want to know.

As much as I felt bad and guilty, even embarrassed, I am also feeling very unhappy. If I didn't bring up the issue and initiated a meet up to talk about this, they'd just leave it as it is and all I could do was being a fool thinking everything was going to be alright, which I didn't feel that way at all. Before I brought up the issue, I felt like crap everyday. I knew something was wrong but I kept it in. Almost everyday there would be something said or posted in one of the social medias by one of them to hint me that something is really wrong and it is about me. Why are they even doing this to me? It's like as though they wanted to confront me, which they did.

From this incident I realized true friendship is not easy to build and it is definitely easy to....break. We don't actually need a lot of friends whom we can confide in, trust and share some of the most personal details and needs of our lives, really. I'd be lucky if I already have a handful of them. I am always a very grateful person. Deep in my heart, I really am. So as much as I feel bad about the whole thing, I am actually quite grateful that the confrontation happened. It made me see a lot of things better in another perspective. At least for now I know the reasons, the reasons to their behavior to me. 

As painful as it sounds, I have got to understand now that not all friendships will last forever. Some friendships only exist because they are convenient.

I had to learn it the hard way :/

before it's too late.

This is a Repost from a blog I read. I felt the need to share this, because it's happening to people around me now, and I really wished they could wake up and realised how much they are going to lose.....

 ''Too often we don't realize what we have until it's gone.
Too often we're too stubborn to say, "Sorry, I was wrong."
Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to our  hearts,
and we let the most foolish things tear us apart.''

 

APRIL! XD

It's APRIL already! Time flies! The last post was about my 4th day doing TP and today, I have lost count already But I've been counting down days and I am left 26 days to finish this TP. I really can't wait. I dread coming to work, preparing lesson plans and what is worst is, I don't like to be observed in my class. This coming wednesday I'll be observed by my Supervisor from UBD and this is really important because that observation will determine what grade he will give me for my 4months TP here. I just wished everything will go fine.

So what's up for the past few months uh. January has been all about Chinese New Year and visiting around to get angpaos, and after CNY it was a little bit hard to settle down, well, what I meant was to tone down the busyness because during the CNY, for 15 days, everyday after work I was busy preparing to visit around. Heh` kinda miss CNY now. It was so happening.

So after the CNY, I've been busy as well in school as every school is busy preparing for the National Day Celebration and I must say YAY because both the classes that I teach were involved and so there was no lessons for 3 weeks, and during the last week, teachers were assigned to go to the Padang Soas to look after the students during their practice so it was quite fun until I fell so lost and unwell too right after the National Day. I was so messed up and also one of my Ct (Cooperating Teacher) started to be demanding in my work and I had to amend and amend my work all over again for a few times. I got so stressed and emotional for a few weeks there. Haha, and I fell sick right after.

ok, to be continued.... got class in a while. 

4th day of TP

So the title says... it's not so bad here really, infact, I quite like it here. I made some new friends and I think my tp-mates are just cool. 3 of them play left4dead! Interesting eyh` and my timetable is quite free. I am given 2 classes of year 10 and I be teaching Mathematics and Accounting. Well I should be really really thankful because I wished for morning session and I really got it. So, though it will be quite challenging to teach year 10's Mathematic and Accounting... I will try my best.

guess that's about it for this post. hee, just felt like updating so I just did ;)

time flies and things changed.

again, it's been a Long time since I have been here! I have always wanted to blog again but I always had a few things tying me down. Like the blog title says, things changed. So here are some updates..

First off, 2011 has passed and it's year 2012 now and I'll be 24 this year(damn!). It felt like it was just yesterday I was thinking about how was it like to grow up to this age. Time flies and many things have certainly changed. I am not the same person I used to be a year ago and some of my perspectives in life have changed. In many ways I'm just glad for the changes so I must say that 2011 was a great year for me, and it sure did passed... like an arrow. In a blink of an eye, I was already cheering for the year 2012. LOL!

so GEE! I'm graduating this year (hopefully, fingers crossed) and my teaching practice starts tomorrow! Teaching practice will be ongoing for about 4 months and that's it, I will then be waiting for the results and the convocation would most probably be around September/October!

Time sure does have its way of going by faster as we age huh, let's just hope everything will go well for everyone in this dragon year 2012. Hope I'll be writing soon again. Cheers.

i've learnt..

that there are 3 things we cant recover in life: the WORD after its said, the MOMENT after its missed, and the TIME after its gone..