i've learnt..

that there are 3 things we cant recover in life: the WORD after its said, the MOMENT after its missed, and the TIME after its gone..

it's a new month, new beginning?

half a year has gone, and July is here! a new month, a new beginning for me? I'd say the first half of 2011 was full of ups and downs for me. people come and go in my life and things happened... but not regretting any bit of it as they are all my choice. all I can say is, everything is fated? heh.. I sound so... old, and wise. lol!!

now I have a few resolutions for July! hehe..

1. complete my Teaching Practice perfectly and get a good grade out of it. [ last day, 14th July. Counting down days now. hehe ]

2. learn how to swim!

3. learn how to save money; budget budget everything.

4. budget for singapore trip already!

5. be the better person of myself now :))

guess this is it. still more, but i cant recall them now. ohwells, it's 2am in the morning now. the brain is already half asleep. so goodnights people. the chickens are singing already..... zz

问世间情为何物

dear all, it's been a while since i've updated here. it's almost beginning to be like as if i'm not part of it hehehee *paiseh*

today i feel like ranting so i shall.

i want to know why people always get frustrated over 儿女私情 (that's directly translated as men-women-private-passion (sounds funny) i.e. love and relationships for those of you who lack education in chinese), because right now, i am frustrated.

history seems to repeat itself, and one look upon the mirror, i realise i have once again turned into the kind of girl i am NOT. if this is what love makes you do/ turns you into, then i don't want to be in love, because this kind of love makes me lost in confusion and i no longer behave like who i truly am, it's toxic love.

and then again i think about the one person whom i was always myself with. but this one person breaks my heart into pieces, not because of typical misgivings but simply because he's too selfish to invest in a relationship. here, you can argue that it's not worth waiting for someone who may never turn back to you. reminds me of that ironic statement "a person worth crying for will never make you cry" or something like that. so technically a person worth waiting for shouldn't make me wait??

what is wrong with this world???

time flies...

it's been almost a month plus now since I work, plus the 2 weeks holidays. HEE, and if I count down the days to leave, it's like.....3 weeks left? ohno, I havent done my video teaching yet, and my research and analysis for one of my next semester's module assignment... and another report writing for Another module.. gah! Uni really sucks~ ohwells....

so how's it been like teaching in the school? I'd say Im enjoying every bit now.. though some of my kids are really ... uncontrollable but they are adorable at times too. HEH.. but Im still doubting myself.. if this is what Im going to do for the rest of my life...NAH~ I wana be my own boss~~ have my own time~~ do my own things~~ heehe...

so I just got back from a relief class.. now slacking in the staffroom, doing nothing because I have basically prepared most of the lesson for this week. WHEE XD

and it's sunshowering now outside. crazy weather.

so this is my latest updates. more to come. ciao :)

Teaching Practice..

so I'm doing my teaching practice now at a school nearby my home. It is like an attachment thing so THERE GOES MY ''SUMMER 3MONTHS'' HOLIDAY! huhuhu.. so the teaching practice has been so far so good. The school I was assigned to is very near to my house and this is actually good because I pretty much do not need to rush to work and it takes only around 5 minutes to reach home from work. Another good thing that I should be glad about this tp is that I am teaching in the afternoon session so there is really no need for me to wake up early for work.. well everything is good BUT, but but but.... now that I think.. this is my first tp and I have another tp next yr; it is quite impossible that I'l be sent to the same school to do my 2nd TP so I'm pretty much upset now, because I have find myself slowly liking this school, and its conveniency to me... I want to maybe teach here in the future... BLEHS.

So recalling back, on the first day during the briefing, I was actually quite down when I know I am going to be in the afternoon session, because I was hoping that I could have my afternoon free to do whatever I want; gym, shop, and yea.. But this is the end of the second week already and it hasnt been too bad. I started teaching already on the second day because the classes I was given to, they were going to start a new topic and the subject teacher suggested that it'd be better if i start the new topic myself..so I started teaching on the 2nd day of my work. Overall, things were okay until the second week.

A relief teacher came to report for work and she was going to relief the two classes I was given to because the teacher in charge of the classes was going to take maternity leave so so so they decided to give me another two new classes...... omg I feel like I'm reporting... ohwells, so summary is I was given two new classes and so far I'm enjoying it eventhough there are a few very very talkative students. pfft..... oh, and I had a surprise visit by my supervisor yesterday to observe my class. I was not prepared because I thought I didnt have to teach that class yet; wrong information given by my CT but Im glad that I handled that class well despite no preparation. hehehe, and I got a pretty average grade from my supervisor.

so what am I doing now.... nothing in the staffroom, listening to the radio's songs.. and blogging here... colleagues are talking about their classes.. comparing students' answers... time is ticking, tick tock tick tock....

recently my feelings has been Up and Down but I sure hope there will be no more Down because I don't want to go through that kind of feelings anymore. I just hope all will end well for me. I pray, because all I ever wanted is just to.....

eff my curiousity..

i was fine, i was happy. then out of nowhere my curiousity brings me there... flooding my mind, blurring my vision. there was that familiar ache again. there was the tightness in my chest, the lump in my throat. i hate this feeling, i hate everything about this.

curiousity + insecurities = heartbreak. WHEE!

SAD!

Hehe, Shen, this blog is turning emo! Why we both so emo one? sigh

I dunno why I should be emo. I mean I know students who are like me, taking same exact subjects. But I guarantee you they are not feeling emo like me. I am so helpless.. I feel like time is against me badly. I feel like it's worst that I'm not a very bright student and I would usually take a much LONGER time to understand things generally, I mean to understand anything at all from the course materials. So that means, time again is pushing against me since I'm so slow.

Every day these days, when I wake up, I feel like crap. Haven't felt like that for so long. It's like everyday is a bad day. Every day I get up, the first thing I think of is not oh how's the weather today? or ok so what do I do today, or AH a brand new day. It's actually, shit, I'm back to reality. Coz when I get up, I always transit from dream to reality. There's not one day that the dream is worst than reality. I feel angry that I actually got up, I feel sad that I'm back to this awful real world, I wish I didn't have to get up to face all these.

I don't know if it's because of this research project or what. It's supposed to be around 6 weeks to complete. Well, supposed to research on it all the while and then this Friday is the due date. But what have my partner and I been doing? I dunno, we slacked till last Friday thinking we could do it. But now, seeing how difficult it is to research mathematical models of synchronous generators, I think it's almost impossible! Like seriously, where is there enough time, what we read we don't even get it right away, even my friend who tried to help said we're dead meat. The stuff is deep, it would take weeks to actually understand everything. Now, we practically have nothing to submit. it's 20% of the whole subject, which is damn alot. Considering I've wanted to count on this subject to get my honors grade up. Sigh.. never felt much crappier than this before.

On top of this research project, there's a whole 5 things lined up to be done for another half a month. Each, highly time-consuming, not having enough time to be done adequately. Sigh.. I never went out or have any "weekends" since the Easter break. That 's around 2 weeks already. And for the next 2 weeks no weekends again. Then after that it's study break. why would I use any of my precious study break days to go out anyway? So that means after exams, then only I can actually go out for real. And that's after 5 weeks from now... then only I can actually go out and have real weekends. What a life I have really! I don't even have a life anymore.

Maybe it's my own problem. I'm not good at balancing things in life I guess. Coz if others are doing worst and much more than me with less time don't complain, then I'm quite ridiculous. They take it lightly. I see it in some of my friends, it just doesn't look too bad. But I'm complaining here about everything coz of my poor time-management skills. I wish I could take it easily and don't fret so much.