Everything still feels so surreal...

I cannot believe this but wow~ I really had an eventful 2018 so far.

My grandma recovered and then my grandpa got admitted to the hospital, and he struggled in the ICU for around 3 months and passed away.

He had to pass away when I was on my way back from Chicago from work duty travel. That feeling was unbearable because there was nothing I could do but to go with the course, hoping the time could tick faster so I could be back home with my family and by his side. I made it back for my grandpa's wake and funeral day. I had a lot that I wanted to tell my grandpa; that we know he did his best to fight the virus in him, we know he was not ready to go and we also know he basically had enough of all those antibiotics and sedation that was put into him everyday to make him stable but torturous to him as well. Also I was tired and had enough of some of the family politics that was happening during my grandpa's admittance in the hospital. Sigh.

Right after the funeral, my family had to prepare for my brother's wedding because there is this chinese tradition that if your family member pass away, you are not supposed to have a joyous celebration, i.e. wedding for 3 years unless you do it within the 100 days from the passing.

My brother was already planning to propose on the 20th May 2018 and do the wedding reception probably in 2019 and then my grandpa suddenly left us.. so the proposal and wedding needed to be pushed forward because if he were to wait for another 3 years, that means he can only get married by 2021 which is a little bit too late for his wife-now, because they were also expecting a baby on the way.

Gosh, now that I am writing this I seriously had no idea how I been through the first half of this year because all I know was I had so many things to cope with; my work, duty travels, almost everyday errands to the hospital to see my grandparents, and later, funeral and wedding receptions.

and then I have some people thinking that my life is pretty easy and everything I am "complaining" now is just time management but seriously, I am mentally tired besides the physical exhaustion that caused me to gain weight like crazy because I literally feel I don't have enough time to rest and do any other things like, working out or prepare diet meals.  Sometimes when I have the time, I just want to stay at home and slack and watch my favourite dramas on youtube, etc. Oh Life~

It is absolutely not easy.. hence to hear it from a friend that said my lifestyle habits are bad and that I don't bother to care that the lifestyle I led is causing me to gain weight like crazy actually upsets me. You are not in my shoe, and so you don't know.

But in anyway, everyone has their own perspective so I am not going to bother much about what they think, as long as I know myself, what I am doing and the consequences.

Looking back the past 6 months, it sure has been quite an eventful year 2018 and I can only hope for the best in this next 6 months to come. Cheers.