Feeling so crappy!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr!!!

I dunno how to express myself! I'm bursting.
I am 20% happy(in a way), 35% feeling very disappointing and 45% guilty.
It's such a mixture of emotions i dunno how to contain myself.
Happy coz I finally said it after months and months of freaking hesitation and guts-developing.
I know I've let it out and I should be overjoyed and feeling very pheww~ but after a while it sinks in. I can't be entirely happy. It's so hard. It's not possible.
Annoyed that I am so disappointing, I disappointed them and have let their hopes down. It's the worst feeling ever. To be so useless. To shatter ppl's dream. To waste time and money. Where can they hide their faces when ppl ask? Ppl would think, why is she so stupid? Is she just squandering their money there doing nonsense instead? I can just imagine the whispers behind their backs. I'm so paranoid.
Guilty in so many ways... I don't even know where to start. I can't get past my own guilty thoughts. Why did I not be wise? Why why why? There's no way to turn back
I feel so sorry to them.
I'm in deep shit.
I hope I don't disappoint any further.
I seriously have to stick to what I say. For goodness' sake.
It's a long road and to take longer to complete it f*cking bugs the hell out of me.
I hope it comes by quick.
To regret isn't an option now.
ARGH

Nerd reporting from the library..muahahha

hahaha, i look so nerdy. I'm currently using the laptop I borrowed from the library. And it's quite new and it has a webcam..hahahah! and it's quite clear too.. so I try try to camwhore with it.. but oh my....look so urghh today.

Anyway.. weather update: after the whole hailstone episode, the whole of the next week was HOT! Like 30 degrees hot throughout the week. Talk about weird weather in Melbourne man. It can go from freezing cold or burning hot within a day. So now, I'm happily soaking in the lovely sunshine..coz next week's gonna start getting colder..grrr hate.

Anyway.. life has been pretty boring. All there is to do everyday is to study my arse off.. coz new materials won't ever stop pouring in, well not until the very last week of the semester.. sighhh.. Things are gonna turn ugly soon.. coz I've got two assignments alrdy.. and a grand total of 12 labs, starting next lab.. sigh.. 12 lab reports to do.. can go die.

Ok, I should go now. Supposed to use this precious time to prepare for my tute in half an hr. Tata!

Ice from the sky

Today I have to blog. hahaha coz it was raining hailstones (literally, ice cubes) from the sky! And it's so weird, coz I've never seen such huge ones and have never seen it LIVE, and the ones I usually see in the past are like tiny, crumbly ice..that is left on the windowsill after I get up. But today at noon, I heard sounds outside and thought why the hell are people throwing stones at the metal railings downstairs. *dong ding dang* ..so I went to have a look see look see. And what I saw wasn't stones, it was hailstones! They were hitting the metal thingy that are usually at the sides of the buildings. And then later they started hitting windows *plak plok plak* SO LOUD! Like people attacking ur windows -->(see this: sounds like that). And they're definitely larger than the ice cubes you get from ur fridge. BIGGGG ones. Probably golf-ball size. And it hit the windows so hard, I thought it might actually crack it, but luckily it didn't. Poor cars, as people drive, the ice cubes kept hitting their windows.. ahhaha like raining ice bombs.

Haha, ok I just saw this video down here. A road being flooded but looks more like a river flowing. Lucky I was indoors.....weeeeeeee



Here's a facebook group, go see the hailstones pics!
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?v=wall&gid=366815328124

But anyway, later during the day, I heard some people's cars got hit and windows got cracked. Scary shit...such weird weather, lucky I was indoors. Then somewhere, it flooded like mad. At some shopping centres, there was a blackout. And escalators and elevators stopped working. And you know what's weird? That it isn't even that cold! The coldest it could possibly be is maybe 16 or 17 degrees.

Went to watch Avatar with 3D glasses at night. I felt the movie was long and storyline not so good. Sue-Mae said it was like Pocahontas in blue..hahah. so true so true.But the 3D glasses did show a very very nice effect during the forest scenes. So glowy and neon.

Gah.. been cleaning like a mad freak for the past few days. So, have been tired and actually missing a few classes due to over-tiredness and over-sleeping..hehe. Still haven't unpacked my luggage fully. Grrr.. so lazy.

I miss Brunei ler.. miss being a lazy person at home, miss Shenny Tang and all friends, miss driving a little.. but still.. time to be a useful student, and use some brainpower!

Hello March!

Cny is over and the sem break started, how sad rights. Jasmine has left for melbourne dy; her Uni starting soon so Goodluck girl. Hope everything there goes well for you this year ;)

So it's the mid semester break now. Suppose to take this chance to study/revise what has been taught before this break and yet I am still taking my sweet time to enjoy this break like nobody's business; sleeping late, waking up late thus my mornings are usually gone and afternoon is left to lazy around the house and going to work/tutor at 7 til 930. Heh.. my daily life routine now until Sunday most probably. someone please help me............. maybe pour some water to me to wake me up? heh.. And also, Im supposed to do some exercising as the cny has made me gained some weight, but Im not doing anything. argh, lazyness!

so I was listening to some of the songs I didnt know I have in my laptops and I got so emo!! because they are all emo old songsss.. dang~
I suddenly recalled so many things; some past,and yea.. emo stuffs...

.....and as I was browsing through pictures I took from Jasmine few days ago, I REALISED I LOST MY BRACELET! my one and only favourite bracelet. It was my 21st bday gift, with a key and a heart-shaped lock. Argh!! I really dislike myself at times for being sooo soooooo sotong!!! =S

I really hope it'l pop out of nowhere maybe tomorrow or when..... sighs!

ahh, missing quite a number of people now [blame the emo songs. lol]; my friends, friends I have not seen/met for a long time dy...

Adrena Wong! leng!! lol, though we're living in the same Country, and at the same Kampong lagi, but it seemed like we're so far apart. like China and America. we hardly meet each other, not even in Uni though we're in the same Uni. This made me wonder is UBD really that big. lol.

and Jasmine Yap!!! I MISS YOU ALREADY LA! anyways, I'm sorry Jas, dint go to send u off at the airport. I couldnt bring myself there, cuz I was afraid I'll seh bat dat leiiiii very much.. so I chose to stay home though I had already dressed up and all, and when this ahsan called me at the airport, she made me feel so bad for not going. grrr! lolness.

also, Felicia Tee!! F!! I miss You la, and angry you also. How come we did not take a picture of us together when you came back the last time? this was taken like, years ago. so sads` I cannot find a picture of us together with our recent look. lol.. or maybe we did, but because last year I lost all my pictures in my lappie,so yea.. give me if U have yes when u come back this June/July-ish. Also, we need to take more pictures together :D xx

OH! NOT FORGETTING..

Amilyn Quah!!! I miss You too!! lol. this picture of u Cute ler!! hahaha XD

Heh, don't know why, this time when the three of you left for Brunei, I felt a bit sour sour, like 'Seh bat dat' you alll....... aihs! eh seh bat dat in english how to say ahh.. reluctant ka.. sighs` Old dy kua, so very got the feelings. lol. Hahaha, what am I saying. Ohwells =)

nah` the songs just stopped playing, probably trying to give me the signal that it's time to sleep. so Off I go ppls! and I hope there wont be spam commentss eyhs??? hmmm..