Farewell, Popo

Sigh sigh sigh.

Phone rang yesterday. Mum called with a sobbing voice, "Popo has already passed away...". Dunno what to feel/how to react. I know I'm supposed to be extremely sad. I am. But at that moment, I just felt a bit numb and my heart is stuck there. weird feeling. I think it's a heavy heart. I really dunno.

She goes on to tell me all the rituals I have to go through to pay respect to my deceased grandmother. I have to wear dark clothings, no nail polish/lipstick, be vegetarian for about 3 days, etc. I'm obliged to do them because after all, it's my only paternal grandmother. And who wouldn't do that for the sake of his/her grandmother? it's almost impossible that noone would do that.

Since I'm so far away here.. both me and parents think it's not that necessary for me to go back to KL for her funeral. And it's going to be real difficult if I have to leave, cause I've got uni stuff that are due for submission(these dates can't be changed for anyone, I'll have to go through a series of explanations/appeals with the lecturer/head of faculty or uni, i'm not so sure) and it would be hard to get back on track.

I know this sounds really cruel, but I think it's sort of a good thing she's gone. That's cause she's been struggling with her cancer for so long. I think it's almost a year. Her health deteriorates slowly and day by day she gets weaker and weaker and weaker. All sorts of medicine didn't help and even chemotheraphy(which i heard is not a pleasant experience) couldn't save her. So I think ending all this pain would be a relief on her part.

Somehow, I thought I could still see her this year-end. Sadly enough, there's no more chance. I even spoke to her on the phone a few days ago, and she said to visit her when I have my holidays.. which is end of the year.

Now, I remember and regret bad stuffs that we, as grandchildren did. When she was sleeping once, sometime during midnight, my cousins, sisters and I were outside the room making soo much noise playing cards/telling jokes, that she had to come out and tell us how noisy we were and how she couldn't sleep. Then there's another time, when I borrowed her jacket (my grandmother's quite skinny) to go to Genting and when I was up in Genting, I lost it. Feel so bad. Then there was once when she came to visit us in Brunei, and almost 80% of the afternoon time, Amanda and I were out in school practising for the Gala Night Performance back in 2004 while my younger sisters were in afternoon classes. How lonely is that.. to be at our home with noone to talk to and just be there to watch TV. She can just watch tv in kl u noe.

But it's so fortunate that she managed to visit many countries before she passed away. In the past years, she's been going on holidays, visiting countries like Europe, China, Japan, Thailand, India, Australia, and others. So that's great... at least she gets to see a bit of the outside world before she left.

Anyway.. I end my post here. I hope she rests in peace. And maybe re-unite with my deceased grandfather in who-knows-where.


P/s:

Can't believe the Dark Knight has climbed up the ALL-TIME box office chart.. to number 3. Not many movies can make it up so high in the list. Still wondering if it's gonna surpass Titanic and Star Wars. The producer, director, cast, crew, and anyone associated can then be so happy and proud that they made a mark in the history of film-making.

http://movies.yahoo.com/mv/boxoffice/alltime/