Grrrrrrrrrrr

Guess why I'm blogging? COZ I'M STRESSED OUTTTTT~~~~

yes, it has become routine for me to only have a super super super strong urge to blog when I am frustrated or annoyed or angry. Other little times I blog coz I want to try to keep myself reminded(in future) to see what I've been up to.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ages-old question. Why am I doing engineering?!

I have a love-hate relationship with it. Sometimes I hate it to the core. Sometimes I tolerate and say it's ok, coz sometimes when I really do study for exams, it's a bit better, I dun feel like crap coz I understand things.

BUT you know what? Engineering's not all about study for exams!

The other aspects of it, I hate hate hate hate so much.

I HATE MATLAB! I hate programming. I am so weak at it, I sometimes feel like dying(so dramatic I know but really). I actually cry and sulk because I cannot program and hence, I cannot do my labs. And what's worst, my upcoming research projects, previous, current and upcoming labs, final year projects ALL need programming. It's like supposed to be embedded knowledge in engineering world. GRRRRRRRRRRRR I don't have the flair for it, damn it!

I HATE LABS when I have to fiddle with wires/equipments coz I dun know shit! And What's worst my final year project, we're supposed to build stuff, wire things, get involved with chips and PCB boards... ahhh kill me already. I really don't like these at all. And my final year project group, we are so lagging behind everyone else. Ppl have already started building stuff and we've got nothing yet. Even if I wanted to do something, I have no idea how to wire stuff. And the internet does not really teach you step-by-step what you need to know. You have to dig info from all corners of the internet and piece them one by one..

I HATE RESEARCH.. when I research for things engineering-related, there's like a million and one different, varying answers. And to understand one page of whatever some super-smart engineer student/super expert wrote is so HARD! They talk like computer/machine language.. not layman's terms at all.

I HATE PRESENTATIONS.. I suck at public speaking. I stammer, I slur on my words. And I have two coming up. And to talk about engineering stuff.. omg. I would try my best to practise and rehearse. BUT THEN, that's not the hard part! the hard part is that I will be BOMBARDED questions from the audience. And to answer them is impossible, I just can't think quickly engineering-wise. sigh..

I know I am very naive to think that I could just acquire an Engineering degree just by studying for exams. But hey, they still constitute a majority of the marks. But then again, the exams are not easy. I fear so much of the exams.. coz they are NEVER EVER easy. They are there to grill the hell out of you.

Now, I'm stuck doing multiple lab reports, programming badly, having to prepare for two quizzes, starting on research project, which have to be followed by report + presentation and final year project and have to study for exams.. arghh.. why is this semester so hectic eventhough I'm taking less subjects?

Then I had insomnia for two nights in a row, only slept a few hours, after seeing the sunlight stream into my room. wth. Was so worried about the amount of work I have to do.

FMLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL